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Why empathy is a forgotten but vital leadership tool

A group of colleagues in a discussion.
by Chris Smith

It’s well recognised that empathy is a vital trait for successful relationships. What’s little known is what it can do for our leadership, and that’s supercharge it.

Whether in the flight deck or the office, showing true empathy for your ‘crew’ will pay off enormously when the unexpected emergency arises and make the good times even better. It’s one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt in 44 years as a pilot.

For leaders, genuine empathy is much more than understanding or placing ourselves in someone else’s position. A leader with empathy has something much more powerful than power itself, and that’s influence. But it can all be undone if our staff realise it’s not real. In fact, if we’re not genuine, we can do more harm than good.

Just what is empathy? There are countless definitions so let’s simplify it.

It’s being able to put ourselves in another’s position, see things through their eyes and ‘get’ what they’re going through emotionally.

Some people have lots of natural empathy, and most of us at least some level. Others may have very little. Nature or nurture? Genetics or experience? Well, it’s generally accepted that it’s a combination of both, but there’s no escaping the fact that we’re affected by our experiences. When our attitudes are set at a young age, they’re pretty much locked in, and only another major experience can change them. Witness the person who has spent their life purely building wealth, accumulating houses, cars and material assets, only to become sick – very sick – say in their ‘50s. Those physical possessions then instantly become valueless. They then resent those cars for what they represent, and that’s waste – waste of time, when in fact it could have been spent with those who mean the most to us or experiencing things. Experiences can’t be taken away from us.

That’s it then? End of story? Well, no, and here’s the good news.

Can we learn to have empathy? Can we build it into our workplace? Most certainly. How?

The first thing to think about is which category you might be in. Look at the definition. Do we have empathy? Yes? No? Maybe? Don’t care?

Of course, we might not be able to if we don’t know what it is. There’s something we can do about that also.

We can acquire empathy through practice. How are we going to do that in the workplace? We’re running a business, not a counselling service. Agreed. But we do have to know what’s going on, on the front line, and in fact at all levels. And to do that we need our people to open up and tell us – the lot – even if we don’t want to hear it. And the way to do that is to get into their world. Do that and they will trust us and talk to us.

Here’s how.

Call them whatever you like but you’ll establish straight forward staff community meetings (way past the normal peer support groups). There is no hierarchy at these meetings (held 3 monthly at least); no status. Everyone is invited from the CEO to junior new hires. Everyone will be educated about the things that cause a degradation in morale, engagement and mental health. No, not just the usual topics of anxiety, depression and so on. We’ll be discussing things like the dangers of workplace exaggeration, the difference between resilience and tolerance, groupthink, how being affected by someone else tells us more about us than them, and so much more – and these happen every day in workplaces. You’ll learn how to deal with it, what really generates respect and how to relate to others. Be prepared. There’ll be a lot of self-discovery and self-awareness going on.

Next? All leaders, and anyone who aspires to leadership will spend 12 months with this group. And if someone doesn’t believe in it, and doesn’t want to, then they are definitely required to be there. We’ll change the culture from below – taking the learnings with us up the corporate ladder.

Benefits? Expect a serious upturn in workplace harmony, job satisfaction levels and natural productivity.

You should now think about cancelling engagement programs. You won’t need them. This will be the best ‘engagement’ program of all, and cheapest.

And for those who still aren’t convinced; the ones whose attendance we required? Watch what happens when they even mechanically or unnaturally put some techniques they’ll learn into practice. It’s like at least trying to speak a foreign language to the locals. They appreciate you giving it a go and respond.

It’s entirely probable you’ll also experience better relationships yourself. There’s no downside and massive upside.

Looking for ways that you can upskill your team cost effectively and quickly?

Consider our suite of leadership and management short courses to help enhance your team’s skills. Through our courses, we can help elevate your team’s expertise and performance in a variety of areas such as having critical conversations at work and improving emotional intelligence in the workplace. These skills are all essential for building empathy and stronger relationships in modern workplaces.

About the Author

Chris Smith, author of ‘Leadership at 43000 Feet, Real leaders don’t need a title’, is a 44 – year senior Airline Captain and Manager, lecturer and counsellor, having held most managerial airline roles available, and some. He is a sought after corporate speaker and leadership specialist, with a sharp focus on maximising staff performance through true and lasting corporate cultures.

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